LAVA Chocolate Lightning Hot Sauce Review

Volcanic Peppers LAVA Chocolate Lightning Hot Sauce

UPDATE: Video support available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvOGtUe2C_s

In anticipation of the forthcoming sauce brackets of the most esteemed Scott Roberts, I wanted to get myself a bit more current than the handful of sauces I had on tap, some of which I'd picked up at Big Lots. I didn't want to do this so much for the nomination process, but so that I could more knowledgeably vote when the time came. I'll be doing a much more extensive posting on the brackets, once that "tournament" gets underway, but the impetus for several of my new sauce purchases, which mainly involved moving the timeline for some of them up considerably, was to make sure I was informed enough to vote at all and wouldn't have to abstain the entire contest and that my vote was accurate.

This was one of those I picked up, since it had been getting piles and piles of press and wins of various sauce competitions. I didn't realize until I had actually gotten it that it was a Louisiana-style, but obviously that style doesn't put me off at all. What really excited me was the chance to try a sauce based on chocolate habaneros, which I've found mostly impossible to locate.

With Louisiana-style sauces, you really have a great possibility of an immediate punch. Unless it is very well and carefully done, is a big astringent blast, that huge vinegar hit, which can be quite bracing and frequently overpowering and distracting. The heat, in that case, becomes entirely secondary, along, oftentimes, with the flavor. Specific to those ultra-hots, we have the bitter, sort of flowery taste, which can itself be very upfront and jarring. Depending on how tamed the peppers are by the time they make it to bottling, this taste can either be muted by the roaring flames or hang in there a bit longer.

With this sauce, I'm pleased to say, we have an extremely well-crafted and thought-out sauce. With all of the Lousiana-style sauces out there competing for shelf space and consumer love, differentiation becomes key. A high quality sauce will always find a market and adding in the smoked habanero element was a stroke of genius. That really sets this apart from almost everything else out there and contributes mightily to the fantastic taste.

The initial taste here is not the vinegar, which has been toned down into a graceful note -- in fact, if there's one word I would use to describe this sauce, it would be graceful -- but rather either the Jolokia or Scorpion powder, though that is quickly overtaken by that wonderful smokey taste. The smoke really makes this sauce a winner for any of the darker meats, though it doesn't do nearly as well on the lighter ones. In many respects, the blessing is the curse here as that gracefulness can cause the sauce not to assert itself in several instances.When using it on the Marie Callender bricks, for instance, it nearly gets lost entirely, aside from some slight bitter notes of the super hot powders and what remains of the smoke. Sometimes you need the punch to cut through and Red Devil, for instance, even though it isn't a heavy vinegary sauce, does have enough to cut right through and make those zing...as does the Sancto Scorpio.

There is some solid front-end heat, but as expected with a double-dose of Habanero, most of the heat is on the back end and it has a very nice and pleasant build, but never to the point of the discomfort that extract can bring, for instance. It's not quite as hot as the Sancto Scorpio, which remains the hottest Louisiana sauce I've tried, but there's still plenty enough to let you know it's there.

 If there is a gripe I have about this and it is assuredly a very minor one, I've found this sauce requires a lot of agitation to keep the various elements suspended and blended. It's not quite constant, but it is a very frequent, considerably moreso than other sauces. This is more a slight nuisance and possibly unavoidable, considering the ingredients, but it's inconvenient enough to mention. 

 
Bottom line: The real question here is can this de-throne the king, the tyrant of tyrants in the Louisiana category, the mighty Red Devil and the answer is...not exactly. While I really really like what they've done here, Red Devil has been and remains a fixture (even now, I probably have it 2 or 3 times a week), so it definitely is not a replacement, but I'd put this almost side-by-side with it, as another side of the Louisiana style coin, so to speak. Not only is this a strong contender to become a new staple for me, but it's also my new leader for sauce of the year.

Breakdown:

       Heat level: 6
       Flavor: 8
       Flexibility: 6
       Enjoyment to dollar factor: 9

Overall: 7

Bottled Up Anger Hot Sauce Review

Danny Cash's Bottled Up Anger Garlic Serrano Hot Sauce

As far as I can tell, this is either a relabeled bottle of the Salvation Garlic-Serrano sauce or a very close derivative. Like the Killer Chipotle vs. Happy Beaver similarity and/or duplication I experienced earlier this year, I'm not going to re-review this sauce.

I will, however, note that the Bottled Up Anger bottle I have has slightly more heat than did the Salvation Sauce, still not enough to really register, though. Also, my wife loves this particular style of sauce and uses it frequently on almost everything, so it's one step from becoming a staple, at least for her. I don't mind at all, of course. It is a very well-crafted sauce and headed up the short list for sauce of the year 2013...

Bottom line: See the link in the review.

Breakdown:

    Heat level: 0
    Flavor: 9
    Flexibility: 7
    Enjoyment to dollar factor: 8

Overall: 6

Salsa Mina Roja Sauce Review

Salsa Mina Roja Sauce

I hesitate to call this a "hot" sauce because it isn't especially, in any kind of proper sense. Rather, it is a curious blend of a fairly heavy tomatillo sauce crossed with a Mexican table sauce. It is very, very heavy on the tomatillos, which gives it an excellent thickness and the fire-roasting really adds an element that is unfortunately a bit too subtle. It is, however, somewhat of a sauce that doesn't know what it wants to be.

To be pushed as a "medium-hot" salsa, there has to be some heat presence. While this has a freshness that makes it frequently distracting and despite jalapenos being listed as the second ingredient, there is no real heat here. In fact, this sauce by itself, I frankly consider largely unusable. With that thickness and texture, this could easily be used as a dipping sauce, but the taste registers as largely incomplete or unfinished.

Enter the saving grace of using this in conjunction with the Salsa Mina Hot Sauce. Those sort of blunting and dulling aspects of this sauce do a nice job of tempering down that obnoxious vinegar hammer in the other sauce while the slight heat of that one rounds this out nice and makes it a pleasant sauce to enjoy in abundance. Getting the ratio down does take some practice, though, but at $1.80 bottle for this and the other, you're talking about approximately $4 for about 18 oz. of sauce, so there's lots of room to practice. Unfortunately, because this sauce (and the other) require companion sauces to make them palatable, the respective scores will be cut down accordingly.

Bottom line: As with all sauces, this one is rated by itself as a standalone. On that basis, it's not a sauce I would consider every buying again. Together, the aggregate score for both this and the Hot Sauce winds up being a 4, which is more or less on the money. I'd even be inclined to nudge it to a 5, but having to go through that kind of work must necessarily be taken into account also.

Breakdown:

      Heat level: 0
      Flavor: 2
      Flexibility: 2
      Enjoyment to dollar factor: 1

Overall: 1

Salsa Mina Hot Sauce Review

Salsa Mina Hot Sauce

Here we have a tale of two sauces and by that I don't mean, it was the best of sauces, it was the worst of sauces...although I suppose that, in some ways, isn't too far off. This is another Big Lots special and when I saw it and the $1.80 price tag, which is over what I will consider safe territory there -- $1 or under and as long as it has neither extract nor onions, I'll give it a whack -- I passed it by until I happened to look closer at the label on a subsequent trip and saw those glorious words: "fire-roasted." Make it fire-roasted damn near anything and I'm in, so I picked up a bottle.

I like the Salsa Mina story. It reminds me a lot of the Tapatio story and though I'm not especially fond of that sauce, I do like the backstory. In this case, we have yet another entry into the Mexican table sauce category, only this time with fire-roasted chilis, which adds a dimension to the sauce I don't hesitate to call tremendous. Rich, full and flavorful, the roasting covers an area that nearly every other sauce is missing. That is definitely the good news.

The bad news is that this wonderful, wonderful fire-roasted goodness is almost completely drowned out by the vinegar that makes up the base here. It very obviously is a strong cheap white vinegar they use and it's overpowering. Louisiana-style sauces are heavy-heavy on vinegar and in the case of Red Devil, can be made to make a zingy flavorful fine sauce, full of a great taste blend. Here, we have an unpleasant astringency that is dialed up way, way too high. If they cut the vinegar back by about 35 - 40% or so, this would be a strong contender for a brilliant, fantastic and unique sauce in a rather dull and placid market segment. As it is, I had to fight.

Some sauces, because I like part of them so much, I will try to find to make it work. I did that for a while here, even though the heat is maybe 5K SHU. Those fire-roasted chiles were nothing but love, but oh the waves of vinegar to fight through. When I was able to blunt, negate or otherwise dull those, it was a treat. When I couldn't, I looked at my 15 other bottles of unopened sauce, waiting patiently on the shelf and knew I had a hard decision coming. As it was, I managed to find a solution, but it requires another sauce (Salsa Mina's Roja -- review coming later), itself incomplete, to blend the two and make one pretty decent-tasting sauce...I suppose it is a testament to them that I would go through this trouble.

Bottom line: Had not that nasty overkill vinegar been there, taste would have been an easy 8. As it is, I can't ignore it and was going to deduct 3 from it. The last couple of days I struggled mightily with whether or not to toss it -- I hate wasting food -- and the save came from another sauce, so I think half is fair. I won't ever be buying this again, unless they dial down those wretched waves of vinegar. Too bad. Those fire-roasted chiles are nothing short of fantastic...when you can get to that taste.

Breakdown:

      Heat level: 2
      Flavor: 4
      Flexibility: 4
      Enjoyment to dollar factor: 3

Overall: 3

Panola Fuego Habanero Hot Sauce Review

Panola Fuego Habanero Salsa

This is another of those Big Lots potentials, where for $.70, you might have a gold mine of a great sauce for a handful of change, but then again, you may have a bottle of shit on your hands and the worst is that you're only out $.70. So, for $1 or under, I'm never afraid to pick one of those up because you never know. From experience, what you encounter is what I like to call modified gems. This is one of them.

What we have here is a taste that rather uniquely blends habanero and blunts it with jalapeno. "Fuego," of course, is Spanish for "fire", but the heat is moderate, around El Yucateco Green, basically not into firehead territory but enough to be noticed. It is a taste that is unlike any other sauce and there's where it goes off the rail a bit. Somehow, in some way, it has a sort of creamy aspect to it. That facet I find quite jarring and in conjunction with the unique taste, which I wouldn't say was good, but don't find it exactly bad either, renders this as something of a miss rather than a hit.

It's a very runny sauce and probably could use a dropper cap. I fully expected it to be a Louisiana style sauce, but it threw me for a loop by heading off into...almost a hot wing sort of thing. Hot wings are something I almost never have these days, but I think this would be a very nice change of pace from the usual Buffalo (Louisiana) style sauces that I run across most of the time. I don't think I'd want it a lot there, though, either. It's one of those sauces that is interesting for the first half a bottle and afterwards, you find yourself struggling to use it. In my case, I'm saved by the expiration date (I picked this up at least half a year ago) and can toss it without any qualms. Also, $.70.

Bottom line: Perhaps a shining example of something that will do in a pinch, but you'll find yourself wishing you had something else. The unique taste was refreshing, for a while, but didn't really mesh too well with anything I tried it on, including tacos. I'm not sorry I tried it, but can't imagine a reason to ever get it again.

Breakdown:

      Heat level: 4
      Flavor: 3
      Flexibility: 2
      Enjoyment to dollar factor: 3

Overall: 3

Trappey's Bull Hot Sauce Review

Trappey's Bull Louisiana Hot Sauce

For this category, with this entry, I've now had the Louisiana style sauce with cayenne peppers, tabasco peppers, jalapeno peppers and scorpion peppers, with habanero on-deck and the jolokia coming at some point in the future.Cayenne is still far and away my favorite and most of that is due to my beloved Red Devil, also made by Trappey's.

Like the Louisiana Hot Sauce from Trappey's, Bull uses red jalapeno peppers. This alters the taste somewhat from the Red Devil and deviates it in a much milder and not quite as good flavor. It does ratchet the heat up slightly from the relative non-existence of Red Devil to something right around Texas Pete. Again, not very much, but slight as it is, it's enough to notice.

Like both of the other two Trappey Sauces mentioned, it costs around $1 for a 5 oz. bottle with a restrictor cap. It wouldn't be something I would have ordinarily gotten, but I just so happened to run out of what I had left of the Texas Pete in the last couple of nights and the sauce I had in line for the next Louisiana style -- Panola (review coming shortly) -- was not at all a Louisiana-style sauce. That kind of sauce, as far as I'm concerned, is something to always have on hand, for when you need it, you need it.

Bottom line: Once again, Red Devil fends off another challenger to the Louisiana-style throne. Bull, while acceptable in a pinch, isn't something I would ever buy again if there was something better. It is, however, very representative of that style and for $1, the unfamiliar could do much worse than to pick up a bottle.

Breakdown:

      Heat level: 0
      Flavor: 5
      Flexibility: 6
      Enjoyment to dollar factor: 4

Overall: 4

A (slight) Change to Testing + a Degree of Miscellany

Some of the core foods I use to test sauces have historically been pizza, chicken strips, fish tacos, the Marie Callender "bricks" (frozen dinners), mac & cheese with tuna, eggs and anything on the grill. After much determination, I've found that McDonald's burgers have supplanted nearly all of those entries as the ideal food to test sauces against.

Why? Well, in the best case, such as anything Mexican, a sauce like Danny Cash's Salvation Garlic-Serrano Sauce will elevate it. If you start with a good food, it can make it very good or great, just push it right over the edge, but say I happened to get a fish taco at Rubio's. Their Salsa Picante is on a level nearly impossible to beat once there is the introduction of a single lime to it. As good as the Salvation Sauce is, it couldn't compete. Where I'm going with this is that if you take something already at a high level, you can only push it so high before run into detraction and the limit of diminishing returns.

In the case of McDonald's burgers, they're crap to begin with, but slap something like Happy Beaver on it and all of a sudden, you have something palatable or better. That, my friends, is the true mark of a high quality sauce, when it can elevate something as awful as that to a point where you wouldn't call it good, but you would definitely not mind eating it again.

As to the misc. part of this, after doing some searching around, I have found several other sites that are doing an abysmal job of listing ingredients. Look, industry, food intolerances and/or allergies are real. Do you really want to waste their money with potential customers buying something they can't eat or worse yet, they eat it anyway and get sick? You have to do better. None of you should be selling a sauce without the ingredients listed somewhere people can see it before they click that button to add it to the cart. While you're at it, adding estimated SHU ratings wouldn't hurt either, but that ingredients thing...come on. Stop being so lazy.

Hog's Ass Hot Sauce Review

Sauce Crafter's Hog's Ass Garlic-Habanero Hot Sauce

Note: Support video available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz0rlgeJm_U

I don't know who did it first, but the Garlic-Habanero type sauce seems to be almost a new category. I'm definitely a fan of it, though I'd hesitate to call that style sauce a staple. To my mind, it works well with lighter meats, such as fish and chicken and much less well with everything else, depending on the prominence of the garlic. Case in point, the Original Zakk Wylde Berzerker sauce from Blair (reviewed elsewhere here). It's heavy, heavy garlic makes it useful on pizza and seafood and fried foods in general, yet strip the garlic aspect and slight heat and ratchet up the astringency through the lime and what you are left with is the Q Heat Chipotle Slam, which is fantastic on fish tacos, but sort of ends there.

Hog's Ass is a similar style sauce, but instead of using limes, it uses oranges. The astringency is turned down, the heat is slightly up from either of those other two, but the garlic, while present, seems locked in a mortal battle with the Habanero. It's not overpowering to the extent of the El Yucateco Red, though this sauce itself very quickly can be, but rather like if you took the El Yucateco Red and combined it somewhat with that Berzerker and hit it with a dash of OJ. Of all the Garlic-Habanero sauces I've tried, this one probably is my favorite, both in terms of flexibility and taste. The company's tagline that this is the best-tasting G-H sauce has yet to be determined, of course, but unlike some sauces where I've struggled to finish the bottle (I truly hate waste in general), this one I'm trying to reserve for a fantastic crab sandwich from a deli down the block because I think that sauce would be spectacular on it. Sad to say, there's probably not enough left for more than half a sandwich at this point, though.

Of some amusement also is the sort of vulgar nature that populates both the label and marketing scheme behind this sauce (clothing that states "you can bite a hog's ass if you don't like my cooking", a play on the slogan of the sauce "you can bite a hog's ass if you don't like our sauce") and the entire line. 

Bottom line: If you're looking to check out a Garlic-Habanero sauce, you could do worse than to start here. This is the best representative of that sauce class I've found so far and it is a well-rounded and overall quite tasty sauce, though like many of the other sauces in that class, flexibility is not particularly high. It's not enough to make me want to add Garlic-Habanero to my list of staple sauces, but I wouldn't hesitate to buy this again at some point in the future.

Breakdown:

     Heat level: 1
     Flavor: 7
     Flexibility: 5
     Enjoyment to dollar factor: 8

Overall: 5