Seven Moons Pineapple Chili + Mango Chili Sauce Reviews

Seven Moons Pineapple Chili Sauce
Seven Moons Mango Chili Sauce

This is a sort of rare review that I won't typically be doing, but in this case, we have dual Big Lots specials and neither sauce is particularly worthy of its own separate review nor would such a thing be necessary.

In my quest to try to find this damnable sauce that I loved the shit out of but can't remember the name of, a sauce I mentioned recently in my review of the dreadful Mae Ploy Chili-Garlic shitstuff, I picked up the Pineapple Chili. Yes, a long shot and yes, I was buying based nearly solely on an approximation of color and I saw the Mango next to it and thought that had potential. I think I spent 3 or 4 bucks for both, which are 6.4 oz. each.

I'm not quite sure whether to call them substandard or mediocre, but the first problem I had was initially upon opening them. They had the little plastic rings that you use to pull the center out of the cap and both of them broke. The Mango came closest to opening, but I had to get a knife and try to dig them out without mangling the entire cap too much so I could still seal it. Very shoddy work there.

The Pineapple was the bottle I got to first and consequently spent the most time with. The texture is fantastic, thick and gloppy and does a great job of sticking to food. The flavor definitely tastes of pineapple, but the peppers are largely absent and this reminded me greatly of that cheap red "sweet and sour" sauce they have at the mall Chinese restaurants that is all fake-tasting sweet and no sour at all to speak of. It is not a bad-tasting sauce, just hyper-hyper sweet and not really enjoyably so.

The Mango has a lot more of the sour, as if they did not use particularly ripe fruit. Again with the thick and gloppy sauce and this time, more pieces of fruit. The Mango again very present, the chilis not at all. This one tastes somehow even more fake than the pineapple and has an aspect to it I can only describe as "queer." It is not a horrible-tasting sauce but it's oddness is a huge distraction.

Bottom line: I didn't come close to finishing either of them. The Pineapple I made it about halfway through and the Mango I cleared the neck of the bottle and that was it. Both of them are in the trash, ahead of a scheduled spring cleaning in a couple weeks, though I tend to keep the sauces down to 1/2 of a door shelf section (and some in the back where the baby can't reach, if they're something he would find uncomfortably hot). Again, not upset about the gamble and it's still worth the risk to try and find a hidden gem. I missed horribly this time out, though, with both of these.

Breakdown (Pineapple):

    Heat level: 0
    Flavor: 3
    Flexibility: 3
    Enjoyment to dollar factor: 1

Overall: 2

Breakdown (Mango):

    Heat level: 0
    Flavor: 1
    Flexibility: 2
    Enjoyment to dollar factor: 0

Overall: 1